How do I let go of my fears of protesting? Our local protest starts in less than 2 hours and I am nervous about it.
I already can't wait to come home from it, hug my family and sink into my favorite chair with 8 blankets, my mini canvas set and my acrylic markers for a therapy art session.
Who else is going to protest today? Please send bravery. 🩷
Audra this is a great question! First thing I’d say is, don’t go alone, go with a friend (or even a couple friends!) Make a plan to know the route of the march and if large crowds are hard for you, stick to the outsides of the marchers where it’s easier to move around, or get out and go down a side street. Bring water to hydrate, some good protein snacks, and scream your heart out with fellow community folks. This should be an experience of catharsis and joy. 🫶🏻
I'm meeting up with a group of like-minded community members! I will pack some snacks and my water bottle. Thank you so much for the tips. I will do my best to choose joy while being amongst Community. 🩷🩷
Audra, as someone who has been to a lot of protests in my time, I have one suggestion for the future. You don’t have to be right in the middle of the crowd to be part of it. Find a place on the perimeter of the crowd where you are still present but can also feel like you can safely and quickly move if you feel you need to. And don’t feel guilty about how you’re feeling! Instincts of personal safety are what keep our species going. ♥️ I know this doesn’t help for today since you’re likely already there, but I hope it helps for a future one. Thank you for being there today for those of us who physically can’t!
Beautifully written Amber. First I want to say that whenever you speak about your father I see him leaping and dancing and flipping through the air. Picture of you two is gorgeous. He is a formidable creature. ♥️ As for our family, we have had some really good news healthwise about my husband who has gently and bravely born health issues for almost thirty years. We are still learning to let go of fears and embrace every minute and every joy together. ♥️
Thank you. I believe a lot of us are feeling this deep grief and sadness and I like the way you’ve channeled your sorrow into changing it into something beautiful. I just said that to one of my good friends. I think all the things were feeling are normal. we just don’t think they are, but we just need to embrace them and turn them into something beautifulnot keep them but transform them.
Learning how to listen to my body and sit with big feelings also! Finding the glimmers of joy, connection and hope can be difficult when sitting with something heavy, but they are always there (as I am discovering after feeling unsafe and alone for so long - also the world). It sounds like you are getting good at accepting the sorrow and choosing to act in line with your values to honour your emotions instead of distracting yourself from them. I can’t tell you how hard it has been for me to do the same. It is a lot of unlearning and maybe some bravery too. I have had to step away from some unhealthy family connections and let go of the guilt to properly rewrite my internal monologue (towards a more hopeful and kind one) and rebuild a healthy chosen family and community of connections. Your piece is dually inspiring: the tenderness of self-compassion to care for yourself and the fortitude to act towards bettering the world for others. Thank you! Looking forward to the next Short and Sweet. I missed the last one because of Canadian Thanksgiving gatherings and am feeling a slight bit of withdraw from my monthly dose.
Sending you so much love Dear Amber in all the swirl of tenderheartedness, COVID sadness, sunshine at a cabin and dragonflies landing in your cupped hands.
I wanted the Ada Límon poetry tickets for my friend Dusty Bryndal- who’s also a poet and lives in Brooklyn and I was hoping she’d get to meet you but her goddaughter also Dusty- Dusty Ray was visiting and they couldn’t go. Dusty is super shy and wouldn’t have been able to say hello in person. But here’s her poem she won an award for in Rattle- https://rattle.com/no-evidence-by-dusty-bryndal/
She’s on Substack @dustybryndal Grief Remedies.
Rumi says: "How long will we fill our pockets like children with dirt and stones? Let the world go. Holding it, we never know ourselves, never are airborne.”
Sending you mountains of ((((((Love)))))) from Tucson
Beautifully written piece Amber. As a writer, I frequently have to let go of how I thought a story should flow, cut and paste paragraphs here and there, take out parts of sentences and sometimes the whole thing, shuffling and moving. Today, for a short story contest, I revamped the story of a 17th century woman, turning it into an autopsy report, with a great deal of creative license. As you can imagine, a whole lot had to change, but not as much as I originally thought would. Such is life. I still weep over the changes that did not happen after our 60s era of protests. Change is part of me, of all of us, though it seems none of us are able to make change nearly as quickly as we'd hoped for.
Change in my body is a really different animal That one is still tough. I had to let go this week of ever finishing the windows before winter. Old cobwebs begun last April and long since abandoned have hung on the screens for months now. Still there. After bringing out the broom and a mop and a bucket of vinegar water with the spray hose, I finally decided the kitchen windows and my bedroom ones are all I'll do. They are the ones I use regularly, and the others aren't so bad after all. My old body just can't do it anymore.
Update: I went to the protest, found my Community members. The turnout was incredible. 😭 I felt very safe!! No violence, just solidarity. I'm so relieved!!! I'm at home doing Halloween crafts with my kids. Thank you for the encouragement 🩷🩷🩷
My father saw a fox while he was camping the other day. It was running around the underbrush, looking for mice or voles. When it spotted my father's pickup, it became nervous and darted away. For some reason, that part of the story reminded me of marmots and their tendency to eat copper out of car engines. That in turn reminded me of the time I explained marmots to my Emotional Support Canadian and her mother, heedless of the fact that they both live a stone's throw from an island that has a species of marmot named after it. I felt foolish. I want to let go of mansplaining. My ESC and her mother probably would prefer that I continue that particular obnoxiousness, as they find it amusing.
Ah, the power, love, wisdom, and occasional melancholy of being with a father who is in his 90s; it's a wonderful thing, thanks for sharing.
A few days ago I let go of everything for a brief period on my birthday, standing with our dog Clark at the edge of a 70-acre field, only the two of us, looking across its expanse and realizing what I'd been (unknowingly) seeking was what I experienced in that moment, a moment of true peace that I could only have by letting go of the swirl that is our collective lives right now. It was magical.
And then, to quote Buddhist Jack Kornfield, "after ecstasy, the laundry," as in...back to the swirl.
It was a nice reminder to let go, if only for a moment, more often.
This really resonates with me today, Amber. Thank you for sharing it! “… fatigued patterns and ways of existing that I’ve outgrown but not yet outrun.” — LOVE THAT!
As for me, my heath has been challenging these past few months. My life has suddenly become very “small” in terms of my limitations. I have been mourning the loss but mostly I’ve been struggling with guilt. Having to say no, having to cancel, not being able to show up politically right now when I normally would be leading the charge… not being able to attend the No Kings protest today with my daughter and our friends.
I have also been feeling so guilty about the moments of joy. I have family who want me to feel guilty about spending that time and energy on myself and not them. It’s hard.
For instance, if I had not gone to see the Taylor Swift movie in the theater with my daughter that Friday night, would I have had energy and reduced enough pain to help a different family member with some physical labor that weekend? If I had not said yes to being table guest at a local NAACP annual fundraising dinner last night, could I have pushed myself to attend the march today?
The guilt is crushing, on so many levels.
BUT the keynote speaker last night, Ms. Karen Boykin-Towns, said something that lightened my load immensely— “Joy is not frivolous. It’s fuel.”
So today I’m (working on) letting go of the guilt around taking a moment for myself here and there that brings me JOY, and remembering that I need it to keep going. ♥️
I should add that I grew up watching my mother sacrifice herself for others every moment of every day. All 82 years of her life. She never once chose herself. It dawned on me that my 23-year old daughter NEEDS to see me continue to choose myself here and there and to choose joy. I want better for her than me and my mother have had. ♥️
Beautiful, Amber. There is such a world inside silence, underneath all the chop of the waves. thanks for the reminder. I'll be reading this again in the coming days.
The next Short and Sweet is right before my birthday so fun way to celebrate.
Saying good riddance to late bedtimes. I guess I'm officially getting older, but I've been really making an effort to be in bed before midnight as often as possible recently.
Oh Amber I had no idea., I’m so sorry. Although it all makes so much sense. Symptoms of a profound sadness…daaaaamn. 💯❤️ It makes us vulnerable, and Covid just…got in.
But if I see one thing, it’s this: A pen, your journals - whatever device you use to write with - THAT is your dragonfly and it landed in your open hands right on cue. I’m so glad you’re mending. And I mean actually mending, you’re stitching your own recovery. 🧵
Let me just drop this right here: I’m going to really try to let go of this allergy to my awkwardness. Allergy as in yes, I freaking suffer from it.😜 I’m re-languaging it and I’m taking away the “my” that I always put before the…A-word. I do take full responsibility my awkwardness, I’m not shirking it, but at the same time the world’s a truly awkward place, I just live here!
Woo hooooooo.... YES. Holding space for all of you. My awkward bits are truly my most endearing qualities (I write that with awkwardly pinkened cheeks). You are a lovely blessing Karen.
Oh eMMe, I’m overwhelmed!❤️ Thank you so much- sending love to you and every awkward bit- and pinkened cheeks!🥰 You’re a blessing there yourself, missy!
OOOSSSSHhhhh.This one got me truth-squared in my nest of squirrels running from my feelings... "the fatigued patterns and ways of existing that I’ve outgrown but not yet outrun" and " 'What do I feel?' instead of 'What does the world want me to feel?' " Double OOOSSSSHhhhh. Your practice (not Covid) of open hands inviting the moment into your being will be added to my morning vat of tea. I too am a surprised fan of the Meghan Markle series. I adored the episode with José Andrés... his unbreakable joy while fully facing this existence makes my heart sigh with hope. This week I am inspired by your words and am giving up running from my feelings and instead, giving them the podium and time to speak/write them into movement.
How do I let go of my fears of protesting? Our local protest starts in less than 2 hours and I am nervous about it.
I already can't wait to come home from it, hug my family and sink into my favorite chair with 8 blankets, my mini canvas set and my acrylic markers for a therapy art session.
Who else is going to protest today? Please send bravery. 🩷
Audra this is a great question! First thing I’d say is, don’t go alone, go with a friend (or even a couple friends!) Make a plan to know the route of the march and if large crowds are hard for you, stick to the outsides of the marchers where it’s easier to move around, or get out and go down a side street. Bring water to hydrate, some good protein snacks, and scream your heart out with fellow community folks. This should be an experience of catharsis and joy. 🫶🏻
I'm meeting up with a group of like-minded community members! I will pack some snacks and my water bottle. Thank you so much for the tips. I will do my best to choose joy while being amongst Community. 🩷🩷
Audra, as someone who has been to a lot of protests in my time, I have one suggestion for the future. You don’t have to be right in the middle of the crowd to be part of it. Find a place on the perimeter of the crowd where you are still present but can also feel like you can safely and quickly move if you feel you need to. And don’t feel guilty about how you’re feeling! Instincts of personal safety are what keep our species going. ♥️ I know this doesn’t help for today since you’re likely already there, but I hope it helps for a future one. Thank you for being there today for those of us who physically can’t!
Sending bravery to you? But going even though you are worried IS bravery!! You are sending your bravery to us! Feel proud.♥️
I needed to hear that. Thank you!! 🩷
Thank you for showing us the way♥️
Beautifully written Amber. First I want to say that whenever you speak about your father I see him leaping and dancing and flipping through the air. Picture of you two is gorgeous. He is a formidable creature. ♥️ As for our family, we have had some really good news healthwise about my husband who has gently and bravely born health issues for almost thirty years. We are still learning to let go of fears and embrace every minute and every joy together. ♥️
🫶🏻🫶🏻👏
Thank you. I believe a lot of us are feeling this deep grief and sadness and I like the way you’ve channeled your sorrow into changing it into something beautiful. I just said that to one of my good friends. I think all the things were feeling are normal. we just don’t think they are, but we just need to embrace them and turn them into something beautifulnot keep them but transform them.
🩷🩷🩷🙏🏻
Open palms, receiving: what if that was the most radical action for today? 🙏🏽 Thank you
EXACTLY ♥️
My dear companion for today: “I don’t carry signs to a march. I show up with two open hands.”
Openness is the most radical act.❤️
Learning how to listen to my body and sit with big feelings also! Finding the glimmers of joy, connection and hope can be difficult when sitting with something heavy, but they are always there (as I am discovering after feeling unsafe and alone for so long - also the world). It sounds like you are getting good at accepting the sorrow and choosing to act in line with your values to honour your emotions instead of distracting yourself from them. I can’t tell you how hard it has been for me to do the same. It is a lot of unlearning and maybe some bravery too. I have had to step away from some unhealthy family connections and let go of the guilt to properly rewrite my internal monologue (towards a more hopeful and kind one) and rebuild a healthy chosen family and community of connections. Your piece is dually inspiring: the tenderness of self-compassion to care for yourself and the fortitude to act towards bettering the world for others. Thank you! Looking forward to the next Short and Sweet. I missed the last one because of Canadian Thanksgiving gatherings and am feeling a slight bit of withdraw from my monthly dose.
Sending you so much love Dear Amber in all the swirl of tenderheartedness, COVID sadness, sunshine at a cabin and dragonflies landing in your cupped hands.
I wanted the Ada Límon poetry tickets for my friend Dusty Bryndal- who’s also a poet and lives in Brooklyn and I was hoping she’d get to meet you but her goddaughter also Dusty- Dusty Ray was visiting and they couldn’t go. Dusty is super shy and wouldn’t have been able to say hello in person. But here’s her poem she won an award for in Rattle- https://rattle.com/no-evidence-by-dusty-bryndal/
She’s on Substack @dustybryndal Grief Remedies.
Rumi says: "How long will we fill our pockets like children with dirt and stones? Let the world go. Holding it, we never know ourselves, never are airborne.”
Sending you mountains of ((((((Love)))))) from Tucson
💛Ida
🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
You really poured your heart into this post. Such beautiful writing.
You’re a gift to this world.
This tired ole world as Woody Guthrie sang.
Beautifully written piece Amber. As a writer, I frequently have to let go of how I thought a story should flow, cut and paste paragraphs here and there, take out parts of sentences and sometimes the whole thing, shuffling and moving. Today, for a short story contest, I revamped the story of a 17th century woman, turning it into an autopsy report, with a great deal of creative license. As you can imagine, a whole lot had to change, but not as much as I originally thought would. Such is life. I still weep over the changes that did not happen after our 60s era of protests. Change is part of me, of all of us, though it seems none of us are able to make change nearly as quickly as we'd hoped for.
Change in my body is a really different animal That one is still tough. I had to let go this week of ever finishing the windows before winter. Old cobwebs begun last April and long since abandoned have hung on the screens for months now. Still there. After bringing out the broom and a mop and a bucket of vinegar water with the spray hose, I finally decided the kitchen windows and my bedroom ones are all I'll do. They are the ones I use regularly, and the others aren't so bad after all. My old body just can't do it anymore.
That’s a hard one Patricia, I really sympathize with this let go. Sending you lots of love from your community here! 🩷🫶🏻
I had this conversation with myself this week...I won and most of the windows lost!🩷
Update: I went to the protest, found my Community members. The turnout was incredible. 😭 I felt very safe!! No violence, just solidarity. I'm so relieved!!! I'm at home doing Halloween crafts with my kids. Thank you for the encouragement 🩷🩷🩷
YOU DID IT!! 👏👏👏👏🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
🩷🙌🏻💪🏻
My father saw a fox while he was camping the other day. It was running around the underbrush, looking for mice or voles. When it spotted my father's pickup, it became nervous and darted away. For some reason, that part of the story reminded me of marmots and their tendency to eat copper out of car engines. That in turn reminded me of the time I explained marmots to my Emotional Support Canadian and her mother, heedless of the fact that they both live a stone's throw from an island that has a species of marmot named after it. I felt foolish. I want to let go of mansplaining. My ESC and her mother probably would prefer that I continue that particular obnoxiousness, as they find it amusing.
Yeah, mansplaining really can go take a long walk off a short cliff ✌🏻✌🏻
Ah, the power, love, wisdom, and occasional melancholy of being with a father who is in his 90s; it's a wonderful thing, thanks for sharing.
A few days ago I let go of everything for a brief period on my birthday, standing with our dog Clark at the edge of a 70-acre field, only the two of us, looking across its expanse and realizing what I'd been (unknowingly) seeking was what I experienced in that moment, a moment of true peace that I could only have by letting go of the swirl that is our collective lives right now. It was magical.
And then, to quote Buddhist Jack Kornfield, "after ecstasy, the laundry," as in...back to the swirl.
It was a nice reminder to let go, if only for a moment, more often.
Thanks for sharing you and your father with us.
Beautiful mike, thanks to you (and Clark) for sharing with us!
This really resonates with me today, Amber. Thank you for sharing it! “… fatigued patterns and ways of existing that I’ve outgrown but not yet outrun.” — LOVE THAT!
As for me, my heath has been challenging these past few months. My life has suddenly become very “small” in terms of my limitations. I have been mourning the loss but mostly I’ve been struggling with guilt. Having to say no, having to cancel, not being able to show up politically right now when I normally would be leading the charge… not being able to attend the No Kings protest today with my daughter and our friends.
I have also been feeling so guilty about the moments of joy. I have family who want me to feel guilty about spending that time and energy on myself and not them. It’s hard.
For instance, if I had not gone to see the Taylor Swift movie in the theater with my daughter that Friday night, would I have had energy and reduced enough pain to help a different family member with some physical labor that weekend? If I had not said yes to being table guest at a local NAACP annual fundraising dinner last night, could I have pushed myself to attend the march today?
The guilt is crushing, on so many levels.
BUT the keynote speaker last night, Ms. Karen Boykin-Towns, said something that lightened my load immensely— “Joy is not frivolous. It’s fuel.”
So today I’m (working on) letting go of the guilt around taking a moment for myself here and there that brings me JOY, and remembering that I need it to keep going. ♥️
I should add that I grew up watching my mother sacrifice herself for others every moment of every day. All 82 years of her life. She never once chose herself. It dawned on me that my 23-year old daughter NEEDS to see me continue to choose myself here and there and to choose joy. I want better for her than me and my mother have had. ♥️
Beautiful!! Thank you for sharing 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Beautiful, Amber. There is such a world inside silence, underneath all the chop of the waves. thanks for the reminder. I'll be reading this again in the coming days.
So much love to you my friend! 🩷🙏🏻
The next Short and Sweet is right before my birthday so fun way to celebrate.
Saying good riddance to late bedtimes. I guess I'm officially getting older, but I've been really making an effort to be in bed before midnight as often as possible recently.
Love this Sam, well celebrate you!
Oh Amber I had no idea., I’m so sorry. Although it all makes so much sense. Symptoms of a profound sadness…daaaaamn. 💯❤️ It makes us vulnerable, and Covid just…got in.
But if I see one thing, it’s this: A pen, your journals - whatever device you use to write with - THAT is your dragonfly and it landed in your open hands right on cue. I’m so glad you’re mending. And I mean actually mending, you’re stitching your own recovery. 🧵
Let me just drop this right here: I’m going to really try to let go of this allergy to my awkwardness. Allergy as in yes, I freaking suffer from it.😜 I’m re-languaging it and I’m taking away the “my” that I always put before the…A-word. I do take full responsibility my awkwardness, I’m not shirking it, but at the same time the world’s a truly awkward place, I just live here!
Much more love to you, Amber and LITD fam
Back at you, Karen! 🩷
Thanks for the space and grace here.
Woo hooooooo.... YES. Holding space for all of you. My awkward bits are truly my most endearing qualities (I write that with awkwardly pinkened cheeks). You are a lovely blessing Karen.
Oh eMMe, I’m overwhelmed!❤️ Thank you so much- sending love to you and every awkward bit- and pinkened cheeks!🥰 You’re a blessing there yourself, missy!
OOOSSSSHhhhh.This one got me truth-squared in my nest of squirrels running from my feelings... "the fatigued patterns and ways of existing that I’ve outgrown but not yet outrun" and " 'What do I feel?' instead of 'What does the world want me to feel?' " Double OOOSSSSHhhhh. Your practice (not Covid) of open hands inviting the moment into your being will be added to my morning vat of tea. I too am a surprised fan of the Meghan Markle series. I adored the episode with José Andrés... his unbreakable joy while fully facing this existence makes my heart sigh with hope. This week I am inspired by your words and am giving up running from my feelings and instead, giving them the podium and time to speak/write them into movement.
🤲🤲🤲🤲🩷🩷🩷🩷
I recorded "Dancing on the Edge" for Radio Talking Book this spring. That was fun. Sorry about all those mosquitoes in Romania.