Good Riddance: Panic in the Shoe Section

Hiking the Dolomites, a dramatic search for an insole, and a special shoutout to Susan.

This little troublemaker.

For the last few years I have been lamenting to my current husband, David Cross, about my lack of adventure in life and how much I've longed for it—longed for a trip that would challenge me and take me somewhere I’d never been before. Then at the beginning of this year, a friend reached out to ask if I’d be interested in hiking the Dolomites in the Italian Alps, and the rest is about to become history.

I’ll be embarking on this exciting adventure in just a few days (more about this at the bottom of today’s post) and I’ll be joined by some of my favorite women: my mom Bonnie, my sister China, and some dear friends. I’ve spent much of the past few months preparing for this trip, and one of the most important items I needed to get for it was new hiking boots. I recently had custom insoles made to help with lower back pain I’ve been experiencing for some time, so I grabbed my orthotics and headed to REI to find the perfect boots. I gathered up several different kinds of hiking-appropriate shoes: ones with a thicker tread for rocky terrain, ones that laced up the ankle for more support, ones that were waterproof, lightweight—you name it, I tried it on.

Each time I tried on a different hiking boot, I replaced the boot’s insole with my own custom orthotic insole to make sure I was testing out the shoe exactly as I would be wearing it on my trip. I finally landed on an excellent pair of hiking boots that fit great with my insoles inside, but as I began to round up all the other boots I had tried on to put them back on their various shelves, I realized…I was missing one of the orthotic insoles.

A terror rippled through my body as it dawned on me that somewhere in this vast solar system of hiking, running, and walking footwear was my poor little orthotic, all alone and terrified, sitting in some shoe on display somewhere, ready to be sold to the next Grandma Gatewood. I imagined someone trying the boot on and screaming out in agony when their perfectly-shaped foot came into contact with my misshapen orthotic, uniquely cast for my set of foot-related issues. “Dear God!” They would scream out, “What crooked creature’s feet were these skin trays made for?!”

I immediately jumped into action in search of the missing orthotic, sprinting back and forth from display shelf to display shelf, frantically lifting each shoe tongue and looking inside for my extremely expensive foot pad. My terror increased as I also started to realize I did not remember exactly which boots I had tried on, because I tried on so many. Was it the Topo Athletics, the Merrells, or the Danner Mountain 600s? Did I even try on Danner Mountain 600s?! Was it in a boot from the discount table, or the resale rack, or the display shelf? The horror!!

It was at this moment I knew I needed to call in reinforcements. With heaping amounts of shame, I asked the salesperson if they could help me find my lost orthotic. She very kindly began to help me, and so too did two other patrons trying on some nearby HOKAs. Before I knew it, half the store was in search of one lightly used cork and foam personalized orthotic insole as if it was a child lost in the woods. I pictured milk cartons and signs plastered on trees and buildings with the words in all caps: “MISSING: DUMB LADY’S ORTHOTIC INSOLE. SIZE 6.5. SLIGHTLY USED. DOES NOT COME WHEN CALLED. REWARD!”

Eventually we found the insole in a shoe I had no recollection of trying on, and as the search and rescue team cheered with relief (no one did this), I held the insole to my heart with tears in my eyes and whispered that I would never let it go. (I may have done this.) Extra special shoutout to Susan at REI for finally finding it.

Safe and sound (and disgusting).

Good riddance to almost being done preparing for this trip and finally getting to the good part! What are you letting go of today? Please share in the comments!

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Note: For the next two weeks I will, in fact, be lacing up my boots and heading to Italy, so there will be no Good Riddance the next two Saturdays (June 28 and July 5). If you are in need of your weekly Good Riddance fix, you can check out previous posts here.

• July’s The Short and Sweet, Saturday, July 26 at 1pm ET: The Short and Sweet, our monthly get together live over Zoom will feature a very special guest:

  Julian Zelizer
  , professor of history and public affairs at Princeton University, author of numerous bestselling books on U.S. politics, and the author of The Long View on Substack. I can’t wait to talk with Julian about the state of America and what history can teach us about making good trouble, (as the late John Lewis liked to say about political uprisings). The Short and Sweet with Julian Zelizer will take place on July 26th from 1-2pm ET. The Zoom link will be emailed to paid subscribers about thirty minutes before the start of the Zoom.

• A Dark Sparkler special: A couple weeks ago I shared the very exciting news that my book, Dark Sparkler, was celebrating the tenth anniversary of its publication with a beautiful reprint, thanks to HarperCollins. With that news I also shared a sweat-inducing, very direct ask for people to buy the book. (It always feels weird as a writer to hustle your own work!) To sweeten the deal, I’m sending anyone who buys a paperback copy of the book a little limited edition something as a thank you. Just send the receipt of your purchase, along with your name and mailing address to LITDSubstack@gmail.com.