Lean Into the Hard Lesson of Loss
On steep election learning curves, tilting toward the promise of a stronger coalition, and a second live gathering over Zoom this month, because I love you.
I recently heard someone say, “Republicans work to control the weather, and Democrats wait for it to rain then fight over which umbrella to use.” It stopped me mid-sip of coffee. Like many of you, I’ve been sitting with the tremendous loss that took place recently at the ballot box—the loss of not just the presidency, but the Senate, and now, the House as well; a full trifecta of power now firmly in the hands of Trump, Elon Musk, and the guy who was investigated for sex trafficking who will now lead the Justice Department. I don’t know how to reconcile any of it, including the painful fact that the design of our disconnection as Americans was so well orchestrated and so well executed. It is humbling: how well we all got played and how much we will all suffer because of it, whether you voted for this reality or not. “Pick your pain,” a friend said to me, “One way or another, it’s coming.”
But there is a lesson here, one we are only just beginning to understand and one we need to be open to learning. The current tone in mainstream media is blame-obsessed, pointing fingers at everything from “woke culture” to how Biden should have never tried for a second term in the first place. But I want to encourage everyone not to lean into that noise—don’t waste your voice on the chorus of chaos. It is the bait extremists are banking on us taking: the constant draining of our energy, resources, joy, and faith in one another. The left is a broad spectrum, and if those in power can keep all of us divided, outrage-hooked, or stuck in despair, then they win, indefinitely. Instead, lean into the lesson of what we’ve been served, even if we don’t quite know what the lesson is yet. Get curious, be open to uncomfortable revelations, question why and how and in what direction the world (not just the U.S.) is existentially tilting.
I watched Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez host a series of Instagram stories a few days ago where she asked MAGA voters, split-ticket voters, and non-voters what their thinking was behind who they did (or did not) vote for, and the answers were truly fascinating. She went out of her way to say she was genuinely curious and wanted to better understand what it is she (we) might be missing about their thinking. AOC’s approach is just one way in which we can think about the lesson of this moment and what might be gleaned from it going forward. Her way is not the way to look toward the future, but it is a way, and we need as many paths to progressive victory as we can get right now.
Last week, I wrote an essay about how I’ve made peace with this life of resistance, and I hope you’ll join me both in giving in to the work ahead and being open to the hard lessons we might learn along the way. Whatever we find on the other side of this moment will be key in rearranging the party lines drawn in the sand. It could make way for something enlightened, something big, something stronger than ever. It could look like a kind of coalition, one not divided by single issues or individual belief systems, but instead, one that coalesces around a deep and real universal desire to save our shared humanity from itself. This doesn’t mean we accept the racism and bigotry and misogyny and cruelty, but it does ask us to be open to answers about the “why” and “how” of how we got here that we maybe aren’t expecting.
The midterms are only two years away, and I want all of us to think about how we can be most useful between now and then. How our activism must be activated not just during presidential elections, but every day. It doesn’t have to be one mode of “go big or go home,” but it is a suggestion that we think differently about the work ahead and the way we are going to show up for it. What comes next cannot be an acquiescence to the obedience hate demands of us, but a persistence born out of an unshakable love for humankind and a shared belief in the world we want to build.
How are you holding up? What lessons have you learned in the last week or what lessons or questions are you starting to think about? Let me know in the comments.
A SPECIAL NOTE:
Given the results of the election last week and all that it’s brought up for so many of us, I’ve decided to host a second The Short and Sweet this month, our virtual live gathering over Zoom for our paid subscribers. Dr. Mindy Nettifee will once again be joining us, this time for a post-election degriefing, if you will. We’ll chat about the election and give some emotional marching orders for how to handle what might come next. Bring your journals, your big feelings, and your open hearts for the hard lessons ahead.
Mark your calendars: The post-election degriefing of The Short and Sweet with Dr. Mindy Nettifee will take place on Sunday, November 24th from 4pm-5pm ET.
You picked the Sunday the Saints are off, you know me too well. I am going to be in Taiwan, but I will do my best to make it.
Tyler Merritt's response defined it this way and it helped me zero in on what I've been feeling..."The results weren't surprising, but they were unexpected." Emotionally I'm swinging between flinging my middle finger at the sky, grieving with the earth, and then, resetting with the thought that no one deserves the harm that's coming, no matter who they voted for. The planet and all life deserve care and the environment to thrive. My focus will be on intently holding that philosophy while participating in this change wave where I can.... in between rage-grief cycles of course.