I admit, we have seriously talked about where we could move if needed. But, I really can't see it happening. My parents won't leave, my in-laws won't leave. They stand to lose healthcare coverage. We need to stay so we're here when they need us.
I love our home. I love our school. I love my friends who have become family. Leaving isn't really an option. Not when we have privilege to stand up for the people around us who are going to need it.
I'm working really hard on letting go of fear around all of that because my instinct, especially when I think about my kids, is to run. Far away. So I am constantly reminding myself of the community I'm building here at home, the people who feel like me. We're making emergency plans, we're stocking our pantries to help neighbors, we're keeping lines of communication wide open.
This is something I've been thinking about lot about too! My brain gets bogged down in logistics and freezes when I think about moving to another country (or even to another friendlier state). But I can do hard things and, as a queer, brown person, I need to consider my safety first and foremost. Thanks so much for sharing this!
Queer and brown or both are favoured here in Ontario. A bit further west, Alberta and Saskatchewan mostly, you might run into some problems but I know you're safe in Ontario and probably further east as well, though I'm uncertain of Quebec. . :)
I actually could live in Canada because I have, for twelve years. I moved to Vancouver Island in 2006 because I was worried then about the direction of my country and became a dual citizen. It was a fantastic experience, but in 2018, homesickness caused my husband and me to return to the States. Trump's first term was bad enough with family separations and other terrible decisions. Nevertheless, we stayed, with hope that the Biden administration would return our country to some degree of sanity -- and it did. Until now. Living under a fascist dictatorship was beyond my worst nightmare and yet, though I could return to Canada at any time, I feel I should fight for my country. But where are the other people who would join me in protesting? What has happened to our congress, our beautiful system of checks and balances? Where are our leaders? Every day I wake up looking for a sign, an omen that will tell me what to do.
Thank you again for sharing with such authenticity.
I have thought often of leaving. For the first time ever my husband mentioned getting Irish passports, which we will probably do. But as Audra shared, we have a lot of family here, blood and chosen and I believe we will stay here and continue to fight, but I am open to the possibility of going elsewhere.
Once again I release efforts to control and hold on and I work on stepping into flow and action.
Grateful for this space, the weekly reminder to release and community.
I came "home" to Canada at the age of 54, after spending my life from birth forward in the states. When I left my well-paying job I was told by several how 'brave' I was to embark on my life anew but I didn't see it that way. My Mom was from old Canadian stock, and with the floundering of the US after 9/11 I didn't feel patriotism. For me it was horror at what the US had wrought upon itself, and it's subsequent knee-jerk reaction to it? Lies from Commander in Chief George W. Bush. With all I had seen since 9/11, it took six months to sell my house, divest myself of most of its furnishings and by the first of June, 2002, I was driving north, to come home. Now a dual-citizen, I've been a resident here for 23 years and my eyes are wide open. The United States was founded on the blood of others, and it's still in that mode. Will it always be? The future is unknown. What is known is that I live in comfort here in my home in the bush, with zero shame for what my new government has done the past 20 years. I'll be renouncing my US citizenship soon.
I can't believe you were just in TO! I got home yesterday, on the bus, after receiving several days of government paid treatment for osteoarthritis in my spine. It's called the Northern Ontario Health Grant, and they pay most of the costs for us to travel south for treatment that's not available up here. I received cortisone shots in my spine that on day two I can almost stand up straight again. I'm beyond grateful. The next time there, don't miss the Thai restaurant Chiang Mai. Oh my God, the food is beyond delicious!
PSS. This just dropped in my mail. Emily Kimelrman is a fiction writer who has a heroin always in the throes of violent do-goodery. I think it's safe to say she expresses what we all are thinking.
There is SO much hate and cruelty coming out of this administration. Corporations you trusted—or at least didn’t think would immediately jump on the fascist bandwagon because their motto used to be “don’t be evil”—are going full dark side.
All the doublespeak is exhausting. The “Make America Healthy Again” commission considers people with ADHD, Autism, and Asthma to be a threat to America. A. Threat. To. America.
That’s Eugenics talk and you know it because, again, you’re not a bigoted m***n with your head so far up your own a** you can’t even smell 💩 anymore.
You see the feces smeared all over the Constitution, being hurled at our allies, and sprayed across the internet. You’re not a dumba** falling for this disinformation campaign—this decades-long assault didn’t get your head twisted, but you’re still suffering the consequences.
You want a peaceful life where everyone is fed, housed, has access to clean water, and healthcare. You don’t want to be fighting f***ing Yatzis.
But you won’t sit by and let these t***waffles win. You can’t. And not just because you read the poem and understood it, but because you always knew. Always. That if you were in Germany when the mustache man rose to power, you’d be hiding Anne Frank and her family. You knew that was who you were in your heart. In your very f***ing soul.
You have empathy, intelligence, and courage. So you don’t actually have a choice. You’re not evil."
PS: I didn't have to consider family members in my decision to move. My children, Grands and Great Grands all required a plane ride or a very long drive to visit. It's the same from Canada.
Living in a country - where a felon is using the office of president as a personal and structural vendetta against all his perceived enemies - creates a fascism that mirrors some of the most dishonored epochs in global history. Who wouldn’t wish to flee such blatant disregard for the former rule of law. Still amidst all the dislocations of our federal workforce—the very lifeblood of a functioning government lies in peril. Easy to observe the onslaught of law suits against a toddler-led republic of blatant kleptocracy that continues to devolve. I personally love the Canadians I have met and Canada or Spain might be the best candidates for us as expats.
Still it continues to amaze that once known somewhat sober actors like Rubio are signing their fate into the clown car we see before us.
When you speak of our identity not being wrapped up in geography is definitely something I am working on. I feel so rooted in the home I have built, it has been a sacred space for so many years.
I often feel sick to my stomach now these days full of anxiety and depression over the state of our country. So much loss happening on a daily basis. Trying my best to protect my heart space and energy as best as I can.
The conversation of having a new home in a new country has been talked about with my family and close friends for what feels like a few years now only it’s growing in its frequency. I have not at all let go of my home but I am feeling like I am preparing myself more for a huge life shift.
My passport renewal just arrived…my husband got all his papers in order. But for me I won’t be able to embrace this as a reality unless a community of friends and family also relocate to new agreed upon destination, which has actually been a discussion amongst my closest friends. I feel like my roots will only become freed if I can be sure to have some loved ones close by. The idea of starting over knowing no one is not something I am unfamiliar with, having spent my childhood and teen years moving around with my dad. But a whole new country just feels a much bigger jump. I am opening up to this idea as well more and more as days pass, but I still feel so rooted in my home and wrapped up in grief over the idea of losing it.
Also currently working on letting go of the hold that meta has had over my online existence. I have been shifting how I show up online by choosing to favor Bluesky and other platforms over meta. It’s a slow letting go as most friends and family are still on there but I know it takes time for things to shift online and grow new communities…but there is growth there daily!
Sending love to you happy to be in this shared space with you! Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts on the state of our country. It’s been most healing hearing from others coping with this nightmare.
ANGIE! I feel you on all this, and thanks for sharing it all. I share your feelings about the hold Meta has held on all of us— we built so much of our brands or found lovers of our art there… it’s like we’re all waking up from a bad dream. That’s why I started this community over two years ago. I felt it back then; something needed to shift and change.
I’m so glad you’re here, and I still have your tooth earrings:)
For anyone reading this, Angie Mason is an INCREDIBLE artist, check out her work here:
It's not much but I am letting go of material belongings with an eye towards what if I no longer receive Social Security Retirement income and Medicare. That is all I have except for a cat and a paid-for car.
I am a proud graduate of Toronto Metropolitan University (fka Ryerson) and a diehard Maple Leafs fan, so this essay hit close to home and reminds me of the discomfort I feel about Trump constantly threatening Canada's sovereignty and how it's that whole game of Trump is obviously joking to constantly own the libt---- but he's the president of the United States so he's not joking and you need to take it seriously.
I've definitely seriously considering moving to Toronto. Going to Asia three weeks after the election felt so liberating and visiting a Chinese propaganda museum (unintentionally) in Hong Kong felt so scary and made me worried this is what we're going to turn into.
This week I'm trying to say good riddance to all the anxiety I feel about my dog. He suddenly decided he gets very scared when we walk in downtown, which is odd, since we've taken that walk everyday for years, but recently when we hit Main Street, hi tail drops, he looks very uncomfortable and he wants to get out of there.
He's 10.5, so anytime he's remotely not himself I go to to worst case scenario, so it's been a trying week, but the vet didn't find anything (as always), gave us some pills and sent us on our way. I know freaking out doesn't help the dog, but it's really hard not to, so before every walk, just trying to take deep breaths and relax. If he wants to walk somewhere, great, if not, let's go somewhere else.
>d multiple jobs for compensation that no longer covers the cost of living is not normal.
As someone who works two jobs at the same time, preach. Will try to attend Thursday's Zoom, but don't tell my boss...es, plural.
Thanks for sharing this — your poor pooch! Maybe he’s feeling all the anxiety in the air from humans? I know dogs very much pick up on stuff like that.
I wonder if it all got to be too much for him- the construction, noise, smells, etc. I tried to sneak him to the farmer's market today, but he wasn't having it, so I think we're going to just take a break and walk elsewhere for a bit. The vendors at the farmer's market were so sad!
We just came back from St. John in the Virgin Islands, which is an American territory, like Puerto Rico, but is viewed by Trump and many other others as not being part of the United States.
I don’t think it is a place I could live for the rest of my years, but it’s not because of some American pride. My pride in being an American is quite a bit lower today than it was a decade ago. I am more bound to living here by family and friends than I am to any allegiance to the nation. That makes me feel rather sad.
Montréal bagels are truly the best and I miss them dearly. Thankfully it's only a 2hr drive from Ottawa and I still have family and friends as an excuse to visit! Come back in the summer. That's when Montreal truly shines, the festivals, the terrasses (aka patios), food and vibe on Sunday afternoon taking in the tamtams as you lay in the sun on Mount Royal with a blanket, some food and wine as you people watch.
Last year, my family and I finally moved to a city I love after living somewhere less than ideal for 11 years out of necessity. During that time, we had to move houses once (with 60 days notice) due to a rental getting sold out from under us. So I was more than ready to settle in here, in the quirky little neighborhood I love, at a school where my kids are thriving … and then the election happened. And we have an LGBTQ kid. Now I’m simultaneously longing to finally buy a house and put down roots here, while also wanting to move far, far away from the US. So this week I’m trying to say “good riddance” to having a solid plan for the future and trying to appreciate are friendly, accepting little bubble while we have it. Honestly, I am also trying to say GR to my jealousy of you and others who have an easy path to leave. Thank you making this space for people to share their feelings.
I moved to Vietnam 10+ years ago when I didn’t speak a word of Vietnamese. My tieng Viet still sucks, I’m living large, and there is a good life outside of Amerikkka.
I admit, we have seriously talked about where we could move if needed. But, I really can't see it happening. My parents won't leave, my in-laws won't leave. They stand to lose healthcare coverage. We need to stay so we're here when they need us.
I love our home. I love our school. I love my friends who have become family. Leaving isn't really an option. Not when we have privilege to stand up for the people around us who are going to need it.
I'm working really hard on letting go of fear around all of that because my instinct, especially when I think about my kids, is to run. Far away. So I am constantly reminding myself of the community I'm building here at home, the people who feel like me. We're making emergency plans, we're stocking our pantries to help neighbors, we're keeping lines of communication wide open.
So we stay. And I need to let go and accept.
Love this Audra. I relate to all of it.
“PITY THE NATION”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti (After Khalil Gibran) 2007
Pity the nation whose people are sheep
And whose shepherds mislead them
Pity the nation whose leaders are liars
Whose sages are silenced
And whose bigots haunt the airwaves
Pity the nation that raises not its voice
Except to praise conquerors
And acclaim the bully as hero
And aims to rule the world
By force and by torture
Pity the nation that knows
No other language but its own
And no other culture but its own
Pity the nation whose breath is money
And sleeps the sleep of the too well fed
Pity the nation oh pity the people
who allow their rights to erode
and their freedoms to be washed away
My country, tears of thee
Sweet land of liberty!
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
This is something I've been thinking about lot about too! My brain gets bogged down in logistics and freezes when I think about moving to another country (or even to another friendlier state). But I can do hard things and, as a queer, brown person, I need to consider my safety first and foremost. Thanks so much for sharing this!
Sending love! It’s all a process and there’s a lot to think about.
Queer and brown or both are favoured here in Ontario. A bit further west, Alberta and Saskatchewan mostly, you might run into some problems but I know you're safe in Ontario and probably further east as well, though I'm uncertain of Quebec. . :)
Maybe consider temporary relocating to Toronto until the madness in the US resolves? Said from someone in Toronto ❤️
I actually could live in Canada because I have, for twelve years. I moved to Vancouver Island in 2006 because I was worried then about the direction of my country and became a dual citizen. It was a fantastic experience, but in 2018, homesickness caused my husband and me to return to the States. Trump's first term was bad enough with family separations and other terrible decisions. Nevertheless, we stayed, with hope that the Biden administration would return our country to some degree of sanity -- and it did. Until now. Living under a fascist dictatorship was beyond my worst nightmare and yet, though I could return to Canada at any time, I feel I should fight for my country. But where are the other people who would join me in protesting? What has happened to our congress, our beautiful system of checks and balances? Where are our leaders? Every day I wake up looking for a sign, an omen that will tell me what to do.
Thank you again for sharing with such authenticity.
I have thought often of leaving. For the first time ever my husband mentioned getting Irish passports, which we will probably do. But as Audra shared, we have a lot of family here, blood and chosen and I believe we will stay here and continue to fight, but I am open to the possibility of going elsewhere.
Once again I release efforts to control and hold on and I work on stepping into flow and action.
Grateful for this space, the weekly reminder to release and community.
Bowing in gratitude 🙏🏻
Xx Alison
Stepping into flow and action— YES 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻
I came "home" to Canada at the age of 54, after spending my life from birth forward in the states. When I left my well-paying job I was told by several how 'brave' I was to embark on my life anew but I didn't see it that way. My Mom was from old Canadian stock, and with the floundering of the US after 9/11 I didn't feel patriotism. For me it was horror at what the US had wrought upon itself, and it's subsequent knee-jerk reaction to it? Lies from Commander in Chief George W. Bush. With all I had seen since 9/11, it took six months to sell my house, divest myself of most of its furnishings and by the first of June, 2002, I was driving north, to come home. Now a dual-citizen, I've been a resident here for 23 years and my eyes are wide open. The United States was founded on the blood of others, and it's still in that mode. Will it always be? The future is unknown. What is known is that I live in comfort here in my home in the bush, with zero shame for what my new government has done the past 20 years. I'll be renouncing my US citizenship soon.
I can't believe you were just in TO! I got home yesterday, on the bus, after receiving several days of government paid treatment for osteoarthritis in my spine. It's called the Northern Ontario Health Grant, and they pay most of the costs for us to travel south for treatment that's not available up here. I received cortisone shots in my spine that on day two I can almost stand up straight again. I'm beyond grateful. The next time there, don't miss the Thai restaurant Chiang Mai. Oh my God, the food is beyond delicious!
PSS. This just dropped in my mail. Emily Kimelrman is a fiction writer who has a heroin always in the throes of violent do-goodery. I think it's safe to say she expresses what we all are thinking.
"
You know this is deeply f****ed up.
𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗮𝗻 𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗼𝘁. 𝗬𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝘂𝗺𝗽st𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗹𝗹.
There is SO much hate and cruelty coming out of this administration. Corporations you trusted—or at least didn’t think would immediately jump on the fascist bandwagon because their motto used to be “don’t be evil”—are going full dark side.
All the doublespeak is exhausting. The “Make America Healthy Again” commission considers people with ADHD, Autism, and Asthma to be a threat to America. A. Threat. To. America.
That’s Eugenics talk and you know it because, again, you’re not a bigoted m***n with your head so far up your own a** you can’t even smell 💩 anymore.
You see the feces smeared all over the Constitution, being hurled at our allies, and sprayed across the internet. You’re not a dumba** falling for this disinformation campaign—this decades-long assault didn’t get your head twisted, but you’re still suffering the consequences.
You want a peaceful life where everyone is fed, housed, has access to clean water, and healthcare. You don’t want to be fighting f***ing Yatzis.
But you won’t sit by and let these t***waffles win. You can’t. And not just because you read the poem and understood it, but because you always knew. Always. That if you were in Germany when the mustache man rose to power, you’d be hiding Anne Frank and her family. You knew that was who you were in your heart. In your very f***ing soul.
You have empathy, intelligence, and courage. So you don’t actually have a choice. You’re not evil."
PS: I didn't have to consider family members in my decision to move. My children, Grands and Great Grands all required a plane ride or a very long drive to visit. It's the same from Canada.
Living in a country - where a felon is using the office of president as a personal and structural vendetta against all his perceived enemies - creates a fascism that mirrors some of the most dishonored epochs in global history. Who wouldn’t wish to flee such blatant disregard for the former rule of law. Still amidst all the dislocations of our federal workforce—the very lifeblood of a functioning government lies in peril. Easy to observe the onslaught of law suits against a toddler-led republic of blatant kleptocracy that continues to devolve. I personally love the Canadians I have met and Canada or Spain might be the best candidates for us as expats.
Still it continues to amaze that once known somewhat sober actors like Rubio are signing their fate into the clown car we see before us.
When you speak of our identity not being wrapped up in geography is definitely something I am working on. I feel so rooted in the home I have built, it has been a sacred space for so many years.
I often feel sick to my stomach now these days full of anxiety and depression over the state of our country. So much loss happening on a daily basis. Trying my best to protect my heart space and energy as best as I can.
The conversation of having a new home in a new country has been talked about with my family and close friends for what feels like a few years now only it’s growing in its frequency. I have not at all let go of my home but I am feeling like I am preparing myself more for a huge life shift.
My passport renewal just arrived…my husband got all his papers in order. But for me I won’t be able to embrace this as a reality unless a community of friends and family also relocate to new agreed upon destination, which has actually been a discussion amongst my closest friends. I feel like my roots will only become freed if I can be sure to have some loved ones close by. The idea of starting over knowing no one is not something I am unfamiliar with, having spent my childhood and teen years moving around with my dad. But a whole new country just feels a much bigger jump. I am opening up to this idea as well more and more as days pass, but I still feel so rooted in my home and wrapped up in grief over the idea of losing it.
Also currently working on letting go of the hold that meta has had over my online existence. I have been shifting how I show up online by choosing to favor Bluesky and other platforms over meta. It’s a slow letting go as most friends and family are still on there but I know it takes time for things to shift online and grow new communities…but there is growth there daily!
Sending love to you happy to be in this shared space with you! Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts on the state of our country. It’s been most healing hearing from others coping with this nightmare.
ANGIE! I feel you on all this, and thanks for sharing it all. I share your feelings about the hold Meta has held on all of us— we built so much of our brands or found lovers of our art there… it’s like we’re all waking up from a bad dream. That’s why I started this community over two years ago. I felt it back then; something needed to shift and change.
I’m so glad you’re here, and I still have your tooth earrings:)
For anyone reading this, Angie Mason is an INCREDIBLE artist, check out her work here:
https://www.angiemason.com/
❤️ 🦷 gosh it makes my heart smile so big hearing that! THANK YOU 😊
It's not much but I am letting go of material belongings with an eye towards what if I no longer receive Social Security Retirement income and Medicare. That is all I have except for a cat and a paid-for car.
Pam this is an excellent let go and exactly what this space is for. These are worthy things to share and hold space for here. Thanks for being here.
I too worry about my Social Security. Having spent much of my life working in the states, the bulk of my retirement income comes from my SS.
I am a proud graduate of Toronto Metropolitan University (fka Ryerson) and a diehard Maple Leafs fan, so this essay hit close to home and reminds me of the discomfort I feel about Trump constantly threatening Canada's sovereignty and how it's that whole game of Trump is obviously joking to constantly own the libt---- but he's the president of the United States so he's not joking and you need to take it seriously.
I've definitely seriously considering moving to Toronto. Going to Asia three weeks after the election felt so liberating and visiting a Chinese propaganda museum (unintentionally) in Hong Kong felt so scary and made me worried this is what we're going to turn into.
This week I'm trying to say good riddance to all the anxiety I feel about my dog. He suddenly decided he gets very scared when we walk in downtown, which is odd, since we've taken that walk everyday for years, but recently when we hit Main Street, hi tail drops, he looks very uncomfortable and he wants to get out of there.
He's 10.5, so anytime he's remotely not himself I go to to worst case scenario, so it's been a trying week, but the vet didn't find anything (as always), gave us some pills and sent us on our way. I know freaking out doesn't help the dog, but it's really hard not to, so before every walk, just trying to take deep breaths and relax. If he wants to walk somewhere, great, if not, let's go somewhere else.
>d multiple jobs for compensation that no longer covers the cost of living is not normal.
As someone who works two jobs at the same time, preach. Will try to attend Thursday's Zoom, but don't tell my boss...es, plural.
Thanks for sharing this — your poor pooch! Maybe he’s feeling all the anxiety in the air from humans? I know dogs very much pick up on stuff like that.
I wonder if it all got to be too much for him- the construction, noise, smells, etc. I tried to sneak him to the farmer's market today, but he wasn't having it, so I think we're going to just take a break and walk elsewhere for a bit. The vendors at the farmer's market were so sad!
Yeah maybe switch up the routine and try a more quiet park, a little extra nature this time around!
We just came back from St. John in the Virgin Islands, which is an American territory, like Puerto Rico, but is viewed by Trump and many other others as not being part of the United States.
I don’t think it is a place I could live for the rest of my years, but it’s not because of some American pride. My pride in being an American is quite a bit lower today than it was a decade ago. I am more bound to living here by family and friends than I am to any allegiance to the nation. That makes me feel rather sad.
Montréal bagels are truly the best and I miss them dearly. Thankfully it's only a 2hr drive from Ottawa and I still have family and friends as an excuse to visit! Come back in the summer. That's when Montreal truly shines, the festivals, the terrasses (aka patios), food and vibe on Sunday afternoon taking in the tamtams as you lay in the sun on Mount Royal with a blanket, some food and wine as you people watch.
Last year, my family and I finally moved to a city I love after living somewhere less than ideal for 11 years out of necessity. During that time, we had to move houses once (with 60 days notice) due to a rental getting sold out from under us. So I was more than ready to settle in here, in the quirky little neighborhood I love, at a school where my kids are thriving … and then the election happened. And we have an LGBTQ kid. Now I’m simultaneously longing to finally buy a house and put down roots here, while also wanting to move far, far away from the US. So this week I’m trying to say “good riddance” to having a solid plan for the future and trying to appreciate are friendly, accepting little bubble while we have it. Honestly, I am also trying to say GR to my jealousy of you and others who have an easy path to leave. Thank you making this space for people to share their feelings.
A great and important let go, thank you Rachel for sharing 🩷
I moved to Vietnam 10+ years ago when I didn’t speak a word of Vietnamese. My tieng Viet still sucks, I’m living large, and there is a good life outside of Amerikkka.
You're most welcome😉🙂